


sonder ➳ kozume kenma

by keizxrin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24195541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keizxrin/pseuds/keizxrin
Summary: ❝doesn't the unknown scare you?❞kozume kenma never removes the walls surrounding his heart. he keeps building it up, fortifying it in case something goes wrong. it became his impulse, then defense, until finally, it felt natural. he didn't need people near him. he preferred to keep them at a distance. away from his space. away from his heart.but things rarely go your way, and he was no exception.really, he just wished breaking down his walls didn't equate to harboring an unrequited love for his own best friend.all rights reserved ➳ 2020
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Reader
Kudos: 31





	1. zero

**_PROLOGUE_ **

  
**The** cicadas are crying.

Kenma laid flat on his back as he stares at the leaves shading him from the scorching sunlight. He begins counting the falling bits of greenery, a tug on his right foot coaxing him to pay attention.

"Cut it off Kuroo," He mouths exasperatedly, pulling his leg from his friend's grasp before leaning his body to the side. "I'm tired. I don't want to play anymore."

"Aw, come on!" His childhood friend smiles at him pleasantly, thinking perhaps it would make his friend reconsider his choice. Realizing that he won't be moved by a simple request, Kuroo throws in his secret weapon to the mix: video games.

"My mom bought me that Monster Hunter DLC yesterday," He says with the usual smugness of an elementary school kid, brows wiggling as he notices his friend's shoulders perking up in attention. "I'll let you play it first if you toss to me, whaddya say?"

Kenma sits up, looking at the expectant expression on his childhood friend's face. He wrinkles his own in a disgusted frown, hating the fact that Kuroo knows how to fully make him dance in his palm. "Unfair."

The boy, not much older than he is, barks out a laughter at his reply before bringing his hand up for his friend to take. Kenma looks at it for a while, sighing after a few debates within his head that ultimately goes for the prospect of a game's additional content instead of the sweet feeling of rest.

"Five sets," He says, cutting whatever Kuroo was about to say in protest with a sharp glare. "Unless you want me to die of exhaustion and never set again then be my guest."

With a groan from his friend, they set out to playing another round.

**\- - - - - - -**

He has no idea how he ended up like this.

With his body facing a tree and his best friend nowhere to be found, Kenma's shoulders shook so intensely he was afraid the joints would totally pop off.

His throat felt dry and there was a painful scratch on it whenever he tries to talk, but the prospect of really _talking_ to the stranger behind him was exactly the thing making Kenma scared to his wits; the pain on his throat the only excuse his anxious mind could make up under the pressure.

"Uhm," The stranger calls out to him and he flinches in surprise. Sweat dangling on his chin and dripped down to his shorts, the sting he was feeling in his eyes made him realize he was about to cry. A silent prayer zooms past his brain, cursing Kuroo for taking too much time in buying his bloody ice cream.

"S-Sorry," The stranger says, her voice uncertain. "I noticed you playing Monster Hunter and...just wanted to ask you to..." Her voice falters, sentence dragging on longer than normal that suddenly drained Kenma of his own nervousness, his curiosity getting the best of him.

He steals a glance at the girl, noticing her flushed cheeks as she tugs on the hem of her cardigan, eyes glued to the ground. She held her console in her free one, lips pursed as though trying to hide a growing embarrassment. "Uhm...I can't defeat this boss and..."

To his surprise, she suddenly glances up and meets his eyes. The girl smiles shyly at him, her tiny hands clutching her clothes and console respectively. "I-I was hoping you could help me," Looking around frantically, she dips her upper body in one go, the sudden bow making Kenma's heart beat out of his chest in shock. "Please!"

The prior events slowly dawns on him, allowing for Kenma to process them properly. He remembers playing Kuroo's game as he waits for him to return from the store, the tangy taste of the candy he was eating spreading throughout his mouth as he methodically presses down a combination of buttons. He didn't even find the moment to blink, his attention totally focused on the screen showing Kuroo's character facing off with a large boss enemy.

It was only when he defeats the monster did he notice a shadow looming in front of him. Kenma shifts slightly, unnerved at the fact that his friend didn't interrupt him like he always did. He presses his lips in a thin line, a dispassionate welcome already out of his mouth as he raises his head. "You took long-"

He blinks.

 _'...When did Kuroo began to look like a girl?'_ He thinks to himself, pinching a fraction of his skin to make sure he wasn't dreaming any of this. When his senses jolt awake from the pain, he instantly catches himself and scoots away from her, the rough surface of the tree painfully scraping his back as it hits him.

She rolls her lips together, hands fidgeting as she looks at him with uncertainty. The air heaves heavy with tension and Kenma could only turn his back from her, finding splinters of wood a much better company than an actual human being.

Once he fully recalls what happened, his eyes dart back to the trembling figure in front of him. He shifts sightly at her gesture, unsure whether he should be associating with her at all. He looks down at her console and sighs, pressing more buttons in his own as the game pings in attention from making a save.

He breathes out a sigh, his palm held out which makes the girl slightly open her eyes to look, Kenma's gaze stuck at the grass touching his legs. "Let..." His voice cracks a little, and he coughs to clear his throat. "Let me try."

**\- - - - - - -**

**Kenma's** eyes blinks open, his eyes fluttering close once again as the light stings them to back down.

His alarm cries out irritatingly on his bedside, his body rolling to the side as he covers his ears with his pillow. Once he got tired of the ringing, Kenma turns it off quickly, basking in the silence of his room. His thought drifts back to a greater concern nipping at the edges of his brain.

He dreamed about her again.

Rushed footsteps echoed from the hallway beyond his room and he couldn't help the thumping of his heart at the rhythm of their steps.

His door swings open.

(First Name)'s bright smile causes his heart to do tiny somersaults inside his chest.

"Kenma!" She calls his name, heat rising to his cheeks at the sound of her voice saying his name. The realization hits him square to the face, a horrid feeling of fear capturing his senses so early in the morning.

_Why...am I reacting like this?_

Kuroo follows behind (First Name), and her first instinct was to flinch away from him in a flustered manner. "Yo, Kenma? We're running late, you know?"

Kenma looks down to his lap, unable to keep his gaze on her blushing face.

 _Ah, that's right._ He thinks to himself, the events once again dragging way too late in his mind just like when he first met her.

He steals a glance at his friend. Her fingers running to smooth out her bangs, the shy expression on her face making a point to Kenma as if reminding him of their conversation yesterday.

"Kenma?" Kuroo calls out to him, drawing the second year's attention. "Yeah. I know."

He stands up from his bed, the blanket covering his body sliding off to fall on his mattress.

(First Name)'s words was stuck on repeat in his head.

_I like Kuroo._


	2. one

  
_**ONE** _

**Kenma** wouldn't be lying if he said Kuroo and (First Name) are his closest friends.

Ever since the day the girl asked him to play her save file to beat a strong boss, she had been meeting with them at the same spot everyday. And like a piece of a puzzle, she fit in quite nicely in the group.

(First Name) was quick to adapt to situations; something Kenma appreciated because it meant he didn't have to be the one adjusting. She was sensitive enough to notice when Kenma felt uncomfortable or not. And he was perceptive enough to figure out the pattern she was taking.

It didn't take her too long to take off bits and pieces from the wall that separated Kenma from her. Bits that he watched her take away from the space he tucked himself in. Pieces of himself that would protect him.

Until one day, there was nothing left of that barricade.

  
He felt close to her — closer than he did with their other friend — and knew she felt the same way. There was something about the way her presence feels that is different from the other people around him. Something comforting and pleasant.

Something safe.

But the world isn't kind enough to let him know that like Kenma had felt safe when he was with her — it was the _same_ for her.

The alarm bells rang loudly inside his head as they sat across from each other, watching the saturated pallette of golds and oranges beating down on them from the window of their classroom.

Loose hair falls from the side of her face and Kenma held himself back from touching them — wondering how it would feel to hold strips of her hair in his fingers — instead, he revels in the tender quite that goes in between them.

Until she tells him during that one, fateful day, of the feelings of love she was beginning to harbor without him noticing. Words full of affection that she let Kenma to know about.

Words he knew that wasn't for him to take.

"I like Kuroo."

Just as the world had decided he would feel the most at ease in the presence of the girl he thought as nothing but a friend — Kenma could never, ever know that he was also for her: a boy who's only meant to be a friend.  
  
  
  
  


There are things about a person that we could never know about.

Kenma knew this was true, as he stared at her blushing face from her admittance. His ears ringing as the confession passes over her mouth.

The pen he was using to write stopped moving a long time ago. The extended line of the kanji he's trying to form the only proof of (First Name) catching him off-guard.

He looks down at the mess, a smile already in place on his lips like an automatic response beyond his own recognition.

"I'll be cheering for you."  
  
  
  
  
  


How much of ourselves should we let people know of?

Something more than our name? Our personality? Perhaps, even our thoughts?

Kenma didn't know. He would stare into the walls of his heart and try to figure it out. Taking them off by himself slowly before building them back up again.

_How much am I willing to share?_

The chaotic thoughts inside our heads. The demons everyone shares in one way or another. Dreams of a life that was different from the real one. And secrets that we are too scared to tell anyone of.

_How much are we willing to share?_

Kenma knows, more than anyone else, that he could never let people know him the way he does himself.

You can never completely know someone. Unless they let you know about them.

The smiling girl in front of him, with feelings he didn't think she had, was proof of that realization.

"I didn't know at all." He mutters to himself, erasing his mistake from before.  
  
  
  
  
  


_"Kenma."_

A voice brings Kenma out of his thoughts, the world going back into focus as his eyes blink rapidly to clear his vision. He shifts his gaze from the ground, eyes meeting with familiar (eye color) ones he's known all his life.

(First Name) looks at him with worry, her hands immediately catching his forehead before he could react.

"Hey, are you sick?" She asks before checking her own temperature to compare it with his. Blood pools around the edges of Kenma's cheeks; a rush of warmth demanding his hurried attention as he immediately extracts (First Name)'s hold of him.

He stares at her surprised reaction before letting go of her hand, his heart beating loudly against his ribcage.

_Not good. Not good. Not good._

It takes him everything to rip away his eyes off her, nails digging themselves on the strap of his bag as he realizes what he did.

"I'm sorry." He mutters before sprinting off ahead of (First Name), the latter calling for his name behind him.

But Kenma doesn't look back.


End file.
